I had NO idea how much controversy surrounded gift registries until I registered for my own. Now, while I do think it's kind of weird to basically give a list of items you want to your invited guests and say, "Here, buy me one of these..." I think it also serves an important purpose.
This is our first baby and there are very specific items that we need. What I've heard is that the people who refuse to shop off the registry will likely by clothes and things THEY think you need. I left clothes off the registry on purpose because I want to shop for clothes, because that's something I'm very particular about. I've already received a few non-registry items from people who cannot attend the shower, and while I don't know what the etiquette is there, so far it's hit or miss, which proves my point. Stick to the registry people!!! Now, yes one of the gifts (from a friend) were the exact kind of onesies, bibs and a pair of pajamas I would have picked out. However, the other gift (coworker) is a teddy bear pajama set and I HATE teddy bears for little boys!!!
Get my drift?
Another pro-registry point: Isn't it a good idea to take the stress out of the act of gift giving? I'm ALWAYS concerned that the recipient won't like and/or need what I have given them, which means I've just wasted money (something I absolutely hate)!! So why stray from the registry? I understand it's a relatively new concept and people don't adapt to change well, but come on...
So now I'm worried that Mike and I spent more than 4 HOURS in Target and Babies R Us only to have to go back and get all of the things ourselves. And we put a very wide range of price points on there so there should be no excuse. I understand it's a rough economy and I don't care if someone's price range is $15 or $20. There are plenty of items in that range that we NEED, and if you go to target.com or babiesrus.com... ok you get the picture.
Sorry if this is offensive, but I have no patience left, I need to vent, I'm super-sensitive lately, and I would never think of disobeying someone else's wishes, so why am I being dismissed? And maybe I'm overreacting, but out of the 2 gifts I've received, neither were registry gifts and I'm just not taking that as a good sign.
All I can say is if you must stray from the registry, include a gift receipt! What would Miss Manners say about that???
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
The Importance of Time
Growing up in a household free of any strict religious commitments, I have always considered myself a blank slate. Like the proverbial field of dreams, if I found a religion or philosophy that was right for me, then my belief in that system would follow.
Until a few years ago, I was like Teflon. While several were of interest (like Kabbalah), there was always a facet that was too rigid or an interpretation that did not align with my beliefs. It wasn't until I was having a conversation with a colleague and good friend about circumstances, dreams and our realities that I was introduced to Metaphysics. Finally, I felt like Cinderella. It fit.
Because Metaphysics explains that time is not linear, I am often amused when we talk about the passage of time, especially in terms of healing old wounds or surpassing an obstacle. The idea is that the more time passes, the further we are from a situation, and therefore that incident in our past means less. For instance, it was emotionally difficult to deal with Mike's ex-wife being in our lives when our relationship was so new. But now, two years later, it's much less painful.
Most of us attribute that to the passage of time. But if time is not linear, and I don't believe it is, then that argument holds no weight whatsoever.
Rather, if you believe in the principles of metaphysics and the projection and acceptance of energy, you come to understand why for some of us time seems to 'stand still' and for others time heals our wounds.
Now, I sincerely visualize a positive interaction with Mike's ex. In the first several months, human nature took the best of me and that was not the case. I was always pleasant enough, but would let her words and actions affect me and I pictured a life of constant tension and fighting with this person. And I felt resentment. I didn't ask for her to be in my life, so I felt entitled to my bitterness while attempting a positive front. Guess what resulted? A very topsy-turvy environment where some days we got along and other days we were all engaged in what can only be described as emotional combat. Hence, the "painful" stage of the relationship.
And yes, time passed. But the passage of time could have kept our situation status quo. It wasn't until I/we made a conscience effort, deciding that in order to change our circumstance we needed to change the kind of energy we contributed to the relationship, that the negativity ended. The painful period of time where each interaction was nasty and bitter existed not because it was "early" in our overall relationship. It was nasty and bitter because all of our energy focused on talking about and thinking about the nasty and awful things that were done to us or said to us every day or every week. "Can you believe she did this? Oh wait till I tell you what she did now..." Focusing on the negative kept bringing more negative interactions. That huge waste of energy is no longer part of my life.
And this is not something new I learned. I have known this "rule" for as long as I've researched Metaphysics. The "rule" or acknowledgment is that you cannot ever change another person. The only thing you do have any control over, the only thing you can change, is your reaction to that person. It's hard to see through the fog of human emotion and come out the other side at times. We all get dragged into our own egos now and then. But for me once I I have that minor epiphany, it's like I open a passageway and positive experiences flow again. When you're stuck in the negative, you bring more negative consequences your way.
So it is not the passage of time that makes us all calmer, smarter, more rational human beings. It's learning to overcome what happened in that particular slice of time. Since time is not linear, then this can't possibly be the only reality that exists in this expansive universe of ours. The people in our lives are there for a reason. Our interaction with them today may be affecting our experience in another place in time on another level.
So for those who quaintly believe time heals all wounds, realistically it's more likely due to an actual change of behavior. And while that behavior does occur over time, time itself is not the magic cure to ending our personal suffering.
And for those who feel stuck in a certain place in time, they are likely bringing the energy that breeds negative interactions right to them by focusing on the lack of, blocking the pathway and essentially shutting the door on positive energy and abundance.
Until a few years ago, I was like Teflon. While several were of interest (like Kabbalah), there was always a facet that was too rigid or an interpretation that did not align with my beliefs. It wasn't until I was having a conversation with a colleague and good friend about circumstances, dreams and our realities that I was introduced to Metaphysics. Finally, I felt like Cinderella. It fit.
Because Metaphysics explains that time is not linear, I am often amused when we talk about the passage of time, especially in terms of healing old wounds or surpassing an obstacle. The idea is that the more time passes, the further we are from a situation, and therefore that incident in our past means less. For instance, it was emotionally difficult to deal with Mike's ex-wife being in our lives when our relationship was so new. But now, two years later, it's much less painful.
Most of us attribute that to the passage of time. But if time is not linear, and I don't believe it is, then that argument holds no weight whatsoever.
Rather, if you believe in the principles of metaphysics and the projection and acceptance of energy, you come to understand why for some of us time seems to 'stand still' and for others time heals our wounds.
Now, I sincerely visualize a positive interaction with Mike's ex. In the first several months, human nature took the best of me and that was not the case. I was always pleasant enough, but would let her words and actions affect me and I pictured a life of constant tension and fighting with this person. And I felt resentment. I didn't ask for her to be in my life, so I felt entitled to my bitterness while attempting a positive front. Guess what resulted? A very topsy-turvy environment where some days we got along and other days we were all engaged in what can only be described as emotional combat. Hence, the "painful" stage of the relationship.
And yes, time passed. But the passage of time could have kept our situation status quo. It wasn't until I/we made a conscience effort, deciding that in order to change our circumstance we needed to change the kind of energy we contributed to the relationship, that the negativity ended. The painful period of time where each interaction was nasty and bitter existed not because it was "early" in our overall relationship. It was nasty and bitter because all of our energy focused on talking about and thinking about the nasty and awful things that were done to us or said to us every day or every week. "Can you believe she did this? Oh wait till I tell you what she did now..." Focusing on the negative kept bringing more negative interactions. That huge waste of energy is no longer part of my life.
And this is not something new I learned. I have known this "rule" for as long as I've researched Metaphysics. The "rule" or acknowledgment is that you cannot ever change another person. The only thing you do have any control over, the only thing you can change, is your reaction to that person. It's hard to see through the fog of human emotion and come out the other side at times. We all get dragged into our own egos now and then. But for me once I I have that minor epiphany, it's like I open a passageway and positive experiences flow again. When you're stuck in the negative, you bring more negative consequences your way.
So it is not the passage of time that makes us all calmer, smarter, more rational human beings. It's learning to overcome what happened in that particular slice of time. Since time is not linear, then this can't possibly be the only reality that exists in this expansive universe of ours. The people in our lives are there for a reason. Our interaction with them today may be affecting our experience in another place in time on another level.
So for those who quaintly believe time heals all wounds, realistically it's more likely due to an actual change of behavior. And while that behavior does occur over time, time itself is not the magic cure to ending our personal suffering.
And for those who feel stuck in a certain place in time, they are likely bringing the energy that breeds negative interactions right to them by focusing on the lack of, blocking the pathway and essentially shutting the door on positive energy and abundance.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
How Do You Say 'Thanks, But No Thanks'
I've never been so arrogant as to think I know it all, but I have a system that I employ when it comes to unchartered territory. If I am entering the land of the unknown, then I do research. If I hit something along the way that I think someone else might know, then I ask.
What I am less in favor of, in fact what sincerely annoys me, is the mountain of unsolicited advice we receive on a daily basis. And not just always unsolicited advice, but unsolicited judgments, doctrines, dissertations, and all sorts of verbal discourse that I'm simply not interested in.
Of course I can be just as guilty. You feel that you're being helpful when a colleague or a friend is going through something that you've been through or doing something that you've done, like buying a house or hanging gutters. I'm trying to learn to gauge the other person's reaction to see if I should continue my diatribe or just keep my trap shut. I've also come close to perfecting that incredibly bored look that I now use when someone is advising me without my consent. What also works, but is quite rude, is to whip out your cell phone and start texting someone. That'll drive the message home.
What it all comes down to is my natural instict to be self-sufficient. I want to solve the problem myself, but I do know when to ask for help. I just don't want to be told what to do when I want to navigate blindly through the experience du jour. Sometimes that can be scary -- the unknown. But we don't always have to make it okay for someone else. Maybe we can do that all on our own.
What I am less in favor of, in fact what sincerely annoys me, is the mountain of unsolicited advice we receive on a daily basis. And not just always unsolicited advice, but unsolicited judgments, doctrines, dissertations, and all sorts of verbal discourse that I'm simply not interested in.
Of course I can be just as guilty. You feel that you're being helpful when a colleague or a friend is going through something that you've been through or doing something that you've done, like buying a house or hanging gutters. I'm trying to learn to gauge the other person's reaction to see if I should continue my diatribe or just keep my trap shut. I've also come close to perfecting that incredibly bored look that I now use when someone is advising me without my consent. What also works, but is quite rude, is to whip out your cell phone and start texting someone. That'll drive the message home.
What it all comes down to is my natural instict to be self-sufficient. I want to solve the problem myself, but I do know when to ask for help. I just don't want to be told what to do when I want to navigate blindly through the experience du jour. Sometimes that can be scary -- the unknown. But we don't always have to make it okay for someone else. Maybe we can do that all on our own.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Resolutions
I think I always resolve to write more when I enter a new year (hence the attempt at blogging, again), but this year I feel like I have a lot to say. I am on the brink of so many things -- marriage, motherhood, turning 30 (gulp) and finally feeling that what I have experienced up to this point merits some respect and reflection.
I, like my older brother, had a goal of being a published author at 30. But life happened. I would still like to see that dream through, and after many failed attempts at writing The Counting Years, I finally see a new direction that will force me to start from ground zero, scrapping 65-plus pages, two versions and countless edits and re-edits. But I think what will come out will be a more mature voice with a clear story that I feel needs to be told.
Here's to a positive, prosperous and productive 2010.
I, like my older brother, had a goal of being a published author at 30. But life happened. I would still like to see that dream through, and after many failed attempts at writing The Counting Years, I finally see a new direction that will force me to start from ground zero, scrapping 65-plus pages, two versions and countless edits and re-edits. But I think what will come out will be a more mature voice with a clear story that I feel needs to be told.
Here's to a positive, prosperous and productive 2010.
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